Just Breathe.

After nearly 2 years of living in Haiti, we are taking a moment to do just that. If you include the prep that it took to move internationally we have had a pretty CRAZY last 3 years! It was exactly 3 years ago this month that we committed ourselves to working there full time. That has actually flown by in many ways and yet been packed FULL of all kinds of experiences ranging from devastating to astoundingly beautiful along the way.

It feels like our plans to adjust to the new organization over the summer went very well. We are still struggling with Kreyol - mainly understanding native speakers, but committed to that goal. The foundation is being laid for our own projects there now and at the moment we are just in -between transition & a world of new and consuming responsibility.

Seems like a good time to take a little break. Ted has spent nearly ALL of his time in Port Au Prince the past few years, while I have popped back & forth from time to time for nursing contracts to keep my skills up & also help keep us afloat. I am in one of those chapters right now again. After coming to the US to see Ana & Oliver in August, I started an 8wk contract in Southern CA. Not exactly a vacation, but it still seems to have been refreshing. There have been enough days off to decompress...to SLEEP without mosquitoes, inverter alarms, dogs barking and the stifling heat of late summer in the Caribbean.

Ted, Tynan & Emma have been battling it out and it has taken a toll. After having to deal with a broken generator, a broken water pump, our beloved cat’s sudden death, and some type of food poisoning requiring a hospital visit and IV therapy (all n the last TWO weeks) they are beyond TIRED and ready for some rest. Thankfully they are on their way to join me here in CA even as I write.

While it makes sense to take some time off and get refreshed before diving into more work than we ever dreamed of in Haiti...after living there it almost feels like an unwarranted “guilty pleasure”.  EVERYTHING in our lives is so much more complex in light of our experiences. So it is hard to think about taking a “break” from a place that is the only life that a majority of Haitians will know. Granted, they are more used to the culture and flow of things, not to mention the heat.

I don’t think that I can put into words the mixed thoughts that I have regarding the amazing and the horrible things about life in Haiti OR the bountiful and the petty that we find here in the US. I’ll admit that being back here for nearly 2 months now, Haiti seems far away & I can almost taste the temptation to slip back into a “normal” American lifestyle...it is comfortable, peaceful even with the pressure to “compete” washed away by the realities of a BIGGER world view. I think sometimes that I’ve had a strong enough dose of reality that I would live differently here, but I know that truthfully... it could just as easily creep back in.

I am grateful for the rest and realize that it is just a part of the way that we must live in Haiti. I give myself a little grace over not being able to live like some of the Haitians I know and still be productive...which is why we are there. I recall that Jesus stole himself away from the crowds rather than healing everyone in sight while he could. There is a bigger picture that we have been asked to be a part of and that time away to rest ourselves - body, soul & spirit - is necessary for us to continue on.

Tomorrow is the start of Ted’s 50th year of life...Tynan turns 21 shortly after. Time is marching on, but we need a moment to “just breathe” right now and get ready for all that comes next. Knowing our life in Haiti, there will be plenty of interesting, constant glimpses at the amazing, and along with it a lifestyle of chronic stress. Why shouldn’t we be stressed though? Why should we seek a life of ease while others are scraping by and looking for hope? The answer for us? We can’t, we won’t. It happens to be something that we can do, and so we will.

None of us will ever know the long term results, but what matters for now is that there are mom’s & dad’s able to care for their children. Women will survive childbirth and adults grow old nurturing & raising the next generation of Haiti with hope. Grown up street kids, orphans & restaveks are working for an honest living wage. The cycle of poverty, tragedy, neglect and abuse is being broken...who knows what will happen next?

Left: Vesline holding a photo of her mother who died of cholera.

Below: Now she is a mother herself...!

I can't imagine trying to be a mom without having mine to fall back on. Even being an orphaned adult she faces so many additional challenges on her own. Family & community is all that you have in Haiti at times.

We have a limited number of breaths in our time on this planet...so today we will breathe deeply and get ready to use the rest of ours to provide longer, meaningful lives for other’s!

Journey & Quest collide...

 WARNING: may contain traces of honest raw messy missionary life 

Today I went to church with some very dear, very OLD friends. They were on the mission field in Kyrgyzstan & New Zealand for the better part of the years that we were busy adopting and raising kids here in the states. Now that they are back home living the US domestic life again, WE are the ones overseas. The unfortunate part is that we rather miss them, REALLY love hanging out together & RARELY ever get to!

They are on a personal mission as a family this year. For various excellent reasons they have decided to get to know the christian communities of their hometown better by visiting 50 churches in the greater Sacramento area, over the next year. (http://50churches.tumblr.com/)

I had the privilege of joining them on their QUEST today!

Ironically this week was an African American church in midtown, just a few miles from where Ted & I spent our early married life together. A few years ago, I would have felt awkward as a minority. Today the glowing brown faces & warm smiles came as a welcome sight. I haven't spent much time at all in a predominantly African American setting in the US. I knew that it was different culturally than the Haitian population, so wasn't sure how I would fit in.

Third culture adult quirk started me off feeling like a Haitian...because they are often surprised when a dark skinned visitor doesn't speak Kreyol just like they do. Thankfully my MIND helped me refrain from automatically singing out "bon jour" as that natural greeting arose & carefully placed an appropriate "hello" or "good morning" in it's place. The common characteristics that DID leap out at me were: friendliness, openness and a sense of community that resided there. They put me at ease immediately & let me feel "at home" for a few hours.

What I didn’t expect, was to meet God face to face there today. True, God is always present where believers are gathered, but today He reached out & spoke to me in a new way. It's been a tough couple of weeks understanding God’s plans and His provision and our calling in Haiti, and I have wrestled it out with Him during this down time. In hindsight I'm glad for the time that he forcibly set aside for me to process it all.

What I’ve learned about myself recently:

1) I worry too much about finances...and perceived “stability” or “instability” and despite my best attempts don’t have quite the faith that I thought I had in that area.

2) That despite knowing better, I often try to carry the burden of everything that is broken and everyone that is suffering in Haiti on my own. I say “try” because DUH, it’s not really possible!

3) Preparing to start midwifery school has opened the door to an area of fear and daunting realities that I needed to face and deal with in order to be ready to make the sacrifices required.

4) The idea of working in Haiti for an indefinite time frame now is still a new reality that brings both excitement and concerns.

5) Being on the mission field can feel unfathomably lonely and I don’t even realize it sometimes.

6) It is very challenging to process normal daily emotions & thoughts while living IN Haiti full time.

What God has “brought on” this past week:

- He convicted me on financial worries & asked me to give that up to Him.

- I was moved to tears in church last week as the congregation sang a closing worship song with the words “send me…” and my personal calling was quietly & freshly reaffirmed.

- We were all deeply encouraged as God sent a new ministry partner to us & then blessed her with a raise shortly after her commitment!

- We received a couple of unexpected one time gifts

- After 3 weeks of failed attempts to find a short term contract while I am here, I gave up focusing on that as the only solution.

- Monday I was called about a job that had reopened. It is shorter than the others & four shifts a week, which means I will make enough to cover next year’s rent in less time away.

- I have been blessed beyond words by the love, support & generosity of my family and friends while away from home, dealing with reverse culture shock, and in a funk about “what next?”.

As if that wasn’t enough for one week, I was convicted anew in the service today. Bishop spoke of how Jesus stepped in & took our place…that means in everything. So I needed to step out and release it all to Him. Towards the end of the message we were called to stand if we had something to let go of and I stood...the next thing I know those who stood had to move to the front of the sanctuary. I found myself in the front in a sea of African American brothers and sisters. As the pastor stopped and spoke words over certain individuals, prayed over them and let the Spirit lead, he turned and looked at me. The crowd parted and he took my hand and this is (paraphrased) what he kindly looked me in the eyes and said…

“You are not here by chance today. You are here for a reason. While all this may be very different for you, YOU have been SO amazingly brave and open in letting God lead your heart…to hear what He has for you.”

He smiled & went on.

“You REALLY need to leave it all to God...He is ALL that you need. You can count on Him...He's got your back!"

“Look around you.” At which point I realize that everyone is focused on me and oddly (introvert that I am) I wasn’t nervous or scared. “Everyone here is there for you. You are NOT alone!” and he asked them all to pray over me...for all of God’s strength to be given to me...and he went on to speak words of love and encouragement that were a salve to my soul.

He finished with an exuberant “Boy are you going to sleep good tonight!!!”  (thank heavens...I've been plagued with insomnia this whole past week) 

So...journey & quest collided, for a moment, and that's what came of it.

God spoke.

He hit every area that I had been wrestling with over the course of a week and wrapped it up in love. He left me with with NO doubt, NO worries, NO fear, NO questions. Doesn’t get any clearer than that...It’s settled then and time to move on!

Please keep me in your prayers as I drop into a quick orientation to the hospital unit starting Wednesday and finish my ACLS certification (I am SO not a cardiac nurse!)

have a blessed week,

Rebecca

Sixty seconds in Haiti...

that puts ALL of our previous "glimpse of Haiti" videos to shame!

ENJOY 

Thank you to Kohl Threlkeld @ Artefact Haiti for generously sharing his delightful film.

So much talent in such a little country!

And the Barlow Birthday "season" begins...

Two unique souls united by birth.

Happy 20th Birthday Em & Liv!!!

daily journey moments.

Studies on PATIENCE today...

Romans 8: 18-25

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with PATIENCE.

-------------------------------------------------

IF we HOPE for what we DO NOT SEE, (then) we WAIT for it with PATIENCE. 

This is what I need to remember each & every day, Lord.

 

And I am SO thankful & reassured by the words that follow...

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

...and then back to the beginning of this passage....the TRUTH.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us...that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God."

"For in this HOPE we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?"