So much of what we experience & process on a daily basis here seems more difficult than usual to put into words or to paint an adequate description of. I (Rebecca) am going to continue trying to just spill things out as they come along...
One of the questions that we are asked frequently, by friends and family, is whether we feel afraid, or in danger, here. It is a valid question! The simple answer is: sometimes “yes”, but mostly “no”.
On FEAR: (excerpted from journal entry)
I always wondered just how "fear" fit in to our being made in the "image" of God. However, fear wasn't part of the original creation. Adam & Eve did not live in fear. Fear came with their sinfulness, even before they received judgment. Now we are all born with a sinful nature that cannot please God, and we know...somehow...we "sense", our separation from Him even before we know Him or believe in Him. It causes a sort of constant "separation anxiety" of sorts. We describe it as an "emptiness", and then we seek to fix or fulfill it with whatever we think might work, often wrong choices. The moral code that we all seem to ascribe to, but struggle to follow, is a testimony to His presence and what He has deemed "good".
Living in a world that is harsh and full of selfishness & destruction is a fearful thing enough, and then we come face to face with our Creator (or not). In admitting to the existence of God, we find ourselves fearful of our own shortcomings. However, scripture tells us that "...God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7, nkjv) As we seek to know Him, we realize His faithfulness to us in the way that He has provided for us to return to an intimate relationship with Him. We can finally return to that pre-sinful man state, where we can walk with & in Him and His loving security. Fear is dispelled!
Throughout scripture God's interaction with man has begun with "Fear not..." It is typical for us to have a safe and healthy fear of the powerful Creator of the universe, but only of the fact that we need him so desperately and don't want to risk losing His life-giving love and the Spirit that he infuses us with through our redemption! We are NOT to be fearful of the journey that our faith puts us on however…
"Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom." (Luke 12:32 nkjv)
"Jesus is not primarily a teacher of information or morals. His teachings go much deeper than that. He is a teacher of a way or a path that leads to change and transformation and a new heart brought about by a surrendered life deeply centered in God. Jesus challenges us to abandon the wide, easy path of conventional wisdom and embark on the long, difficult, and narrow path of divine wisdom that leads those of us who choose to follow away from temporal values centered in ourselves toward eternal values centered in God. He is always lovingly and compassionately inviting His followers to a different way of seeing and living." (Crenshaw & Snapp, 2005)
The highlighted sentence stands out to me particularly. God has been at work in my heart over the years and so far that is exactly the journey that he has had me on, with a very long way to go!! From my experience, it IS an adventure & aptly described as a “long, difficult, and narrow path”! Without His love and compassion & strength, I would surely have succumbed by now to more of this world's ideals. Thankfully, I don't have to have arrived at any particular “destination” in order for Him to take me up as an instrument in His plans. I am faulty, but His sovereignty is molding me into a masterpiece of His own perfect design. It is a lifelong path...and the journey a very different one…
"Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells." (2 Peter 3:13)
I live in a "dangerous" place according to 1st World standards, but more dangerous than living here, would be a life following anyone else's plan - especially my OWN! This is a very different view than many might hold, but it is the way that He has asked me to "see" and to "live" right now...
Crenshaw, K & Snapp, C (2005). The Hidden Life: Revelations from a Holy Journey. NavPress.