We are so NOT the “perfect” missionaries!
I can't tell you how many things in our lives seem far less than ideal right now...starting with ourselves.
Until we took on this role, I never imagined the expectations and standards of perfection that we tend to hold missionaries to. I have never wanted to be put on a pedestal, nor have I wanted to be graded differently as a human being just because I summoned up the bravery to follow a call that God laid out for me. Not everyone is called overseas, but it makes no sense why accepting the challenge of living on an island that is hot, humid, dusty, different, dangerous, expensive, unpredictable, and requires learning a foreign language (or two), multiple currency calculations, cooking style, driving rhythm, and cleaning methods, tends to come with the feeling that we must handle it in superhuman fashion: without an attitude, scowl, or mistake. We have had that expectation of christian workers ourselves, yet cringe at the idea now.
We fail regularly at meeting such standards! Thankfully, that keeps us at Jesus’ feet asking for His grace again and again. It's really the best place to be, when your daily work is ministering to the needs of others. Remembering His provision for us, keeps us sending them back to Him as their source and reminds us that we are merely instruments for His use.
Being human (and American), puts us at a disadvantage! It means that we are easily challenged by the reality of having to make a multitude of lifestyle changes at once and by serving in a place that seems to have insurmountable need…even if it is God's plan for our lives! So much of what God calls us to daily here is as much about what he is doing in our lives though, as it is about what He asks us to do for others. I am convinced that this is just another refining ground for us, this side of heaven, even as we serve Him whole-heartedly each day.
The challenges here have definitely taken us to places far beyond our own means.
Some days I worry that we will never get completely in sync with life the Haitian way. Other days my concern is over how we will ever go back & live in America again. So much here is better, so much is worse, harder in some ways, easier in many others. The complexity of living a 21st-century-American-mentality-with-adjustments life here is incredible. We had a conversation earlier today about how the Haitians in the provinces are used to living without much power or running water - as we have been doing the past several weeks. Yet, they seem to develop a comfortable way of life. The difference is that they are focused on the land, agricultural rhythms and their relationships; they don't need to make phone calls, hold virtual planning meetings, and send e-newsletters out, or drive across town for project supplies or a medical clinic each week. Our job requires those modern necessities, so it is made harder by the inconveniences. The simplicity of accepting whatever comes each day with a positive attitude is a refreshing mindset that we are endeavoring to learn from the people of Haiti.
And so we ask ourselves and the rest of our Body of Christ to have a more realistic, understanding and encouraging view of those that are asked to take up full-time ministry. Not that we and others laboring here and abroad, shouldn't be clearly in tune with the Lord and steadily seeking His will and guidance in our lives, but that we all would give & receive an extra measure of grace for any imperfections that may arise with the refining fire of our calling.
Being a missionary doesn't mean that you don't mind lack of electricity, unfamiliar food, bugs, dust, being stared at every time you go out, and missing family or friends (or air conditioning)! It just means that you are willing to try dealing with all of that in order to follow God's will as He calls you – and that you willingly stumble back to Him each day, for His mercy & strength!